Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Skinny? Fat? Ahhhh....

In college, I weighed about the same amount as I do now, give or take a few lbs, maybe 5, when I graduated. It's funny how your body image changes as you get older. When I got pregnant, I remember being sad that I'd lose my flat tummy (not while I was pregnant, after I gave birth). Here's a pic of me (I'm actually pregnant here!)
And then here's a pic of my tummy the day after I gave birth. (That always amazed me- all that worry for nothing.) I didn't get a single stretch mark.

And here's my tummy today.

But the point of this isn't to discuss abs- it's because I'm amazed that someone from college thinks I was so much heavier back then. I know a body type can shift, but still, I don't really see myself all the differently, how could others?
Which has me thinking about now- am I one of those people with a skewed body image? I used to think when I was in high school that if I just lost enough weight, my butt would get smaller. Of course I know now that if I weighed 20 lbs, 15 of it would be my butt.
I remember going on a starvation diet- I would drink only diet coke for days on end, maybe some cucumber slices. It worked. I weighed about 30 lbs less than I do right now. I could finally fit into my "skinny" sister's jeans. But my butt was still big, and being a young high school girl, that's all I could judge.
I remember the day I ended my starvation diet. I was doing the diet coke thing, cucumbers, and some microwave popcorn occasionally. I was running on the track team, lifting, and had a weight loss bet going with some guys on the team. (Incidently, I was bench pressing 155 lbs- whoa!) I remember weighing myself in the weight room- wow, I had lost a lot. One person told me I looked sick, but I didn't listen.
Finally, my skinny sister (who was also abstaining from food) and I went to a diner. I had an iceberg lettuce salad, extra cucumbers, and then I splurged- thousand island dressing. And it was all over. My appetite came back with a vengence, and I gained weight again.
I had never had trouble getting guys while I was "heavy" or "skinny", and I can honestly say I've never disliked myself. I guess I was experimenting. But I find myself now wondering- should I lose some weight? By height/weight charts, yes, a little. But, I'm a size 10 now, smaller than the average american woman (who is a size 14!), so do I stay where I am? Or listen to my friend Marc who says I'm too skinny? (Maybe he just likes 'em big!)
I'd love to hear any honest opinions- this is not about, "You're fine just the way you are". This is about realistically, am I carrying too much fat?


David said...

You're not fat at all.

However, you're going to need to lift that shirt up higher if you'd like us to really judge.

Jenni said...

twenty dolla. wait, twenty five dolla.
I think we can all judge I'm NOT fat there.

David said...

Whatever you say pal. If you want real advice....

gene said...

you look fine just the way you are. leave it alone.

Jenni said...

Ok, enough votes are in. I'm staying the same. Thanks to everyone for the private email or conversations. My self image has been properly calibrated. That is until spring and I haven't been riding all winter.