Matt reads this blog called Overheard in New York. It's basically a place to submit funny, weird, ironic, etc. things people have overheard on the train, street, whatever. I'll pull out some of my favorites, man, some are GOOD. Caution: Occasionally they can be sexual or racial or curse-laden. I know I have a very pious audience.
And Take Off Those Pleather Jackets --You're Embarassing Me
Little girl: Daddy, what's that building?
Harried dad: The Goldman-Sachs building, I think, in Jersey City.
Little boy: What town is that on top of the hill?
Harried dad: Union city.
Little girl: What are they building there?
Harried dad: Condos. Jesus, will you two turn around? I didn't pay $45 for you to look at New Jersey.
--NY Waterway Ferry
They Might Accidentally See Their Reflection
Skeevy vendor to girl purchasing sunglasses: Here, I polish for you.
Girl: Oh, thank you.
Skeevy vendor: You pretty girl. I polish for you. For ugly girls -never.
--St Mark's Place
Overheard by: Mariah
No, Ma'am, It Certainly Is Not
5th grader on school trip on train: I wanna sit down!
Teacher, in southern accent: Well I want a small ass but thats not happening either now is it?!
Although I Do Recognize a Treasure Chest When I See One
Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you're a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I'm just a lesbian.
--Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th
Witty Repartee Is One of the First Things to Go When the Brain Doesn't Get Enough Glucose
Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn't afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn't afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]
I Said I Just Whacked Off
Coworker #1: So what've you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you're on speakerphone.